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A Mary Renault Fanfic

Posted on 2004.11.25 at 09:18
Current Mood: pleasedpleased
Tags: , ,

Addition to entry: May, 2005. I have friends-locked the rest of this fic because of the poaching of LJs by various feed services like feedster.com. If you liked it and want to read more, you'll have to friend me. Be warned: this fic contains homosexual erotica. If underage or that offends you, please DO NOT READ.

Hello friends,

In honor of the opening of the new Alexander movie, (which I haven’t seen yet, maybe Friday)
I’m posting the first part of a new fic.  This one is in the Mary Renault fandom based on her marvelous book, The Persian Boy.  It's rated a soft NC-17.  I envison this as a number of short pieces - maybe 4 or 5, all various stages of Oromedon's lessons.  If you like it, please let me know as that'll give me the incentive to do more of them. Otherwise, this may be it.Thanks so much to fellow MRfan,Capella for giving it a quick betaread with good suggestions.

Enjoy!  Happy Thanksgiving.


Oromedon's Lessons: Part I: A Glimpse into the Garden
A story by elfscribe
Fandom: MaryRenault
Rating: a soft NC17
Pairing: Bagoas/Oromedon
Disclaimer: No disrespect intended, in fact quite the opposite. No money made from this endeavor.
Warning:non-consensual sex

Just a bit of background for those of you not familiar with the Persian Boy.  Bagoas is a historical figure who became Alexander the Great's lover.The story is from the point of view of Bagoas, who as a boy witnessed his family's murder. He was taken, castrated (unfortunately, a common practice back then) and sold into slavery.  At this point in the story he has been purchased by a mysterious new master who he hasn't yet seen but who, he learns later, is the Persian King Darius. An experienced young eunuch named Oromedon arrives to teach him how to be a proper courtesan. But first Bagoas must try to forget his former life.


"There is a pride in you, wounded but still unyielding; it is perhaps what shaped your prettiness into beauty. With such a nature, living as you have lived between your sordid master and his vulgar friends, you must have been holding back all the while.  And very right.  But those days are gone.  There is a new existence before you.  Now you must learn to give a little.  I am here for that, to teach you the art of pleasure."  He reached out his other hand and gently pulled me down.  "Come, I promise you, you will like it much more with me."
- from The Persian Boy by Mary Renault


I lay back, tense and still wary, looking up into Oromedon's smiling eyes. He settled down gently by my side. I flinched when his bare skin brushed mine.  He was right.  I associated all this with my shame; there was no delight in such a touch.
The memories waited, right behind my eyelids and now they rose up again, a discordant mass of anguish that I remembered as through a kif-numbed haze. I recalled an unwashed stench and a mass of black hair harsh as wire that rasped against my cheek. He said, "Open up, boy," and thrust the thick flesh into my throat. I choked and then retched. There was a blow to my face, the sudden sting growing hot. "Whelp! Next time swallow it. Get out!" I fled down a narrow alley and collapsed near a pile of offal, surprising a feasting pi-dog. It seemed I could sink no lower and I begged the gods for death. None heard me. My former master continued to send me out again and again.

My eyes stung and I turned my face to the pillow. 

Oromedon did not move. When I ventured to turn back and open an eye, he was regarding me solemnly. "Gazelle Eyes," he said gently. "I understand . . . better than you know. But you must not think of it any more. That is all finished now. Believe me."

He picked up both my hands and looked at them, then interlaced his fingers in mine."Your hands are so fine, strong and yet delicate.  Long fingers, a palm like a water lily. An artist's hands. Did you know that?"

I drank in his clear, light voice as if it were wine.

His lovely, dark eyes were half-lidded, lined with kohl.  The golden earrings glittered and trembled as he lowered his head to brush his nose against mine. "You are so beautiful, Bagoas," he said. "Ah,I see your eyes shifting away.  How often you must have heard that from those apes your master sold you to." He made a face, pursing his lips as if to spit at the memory. "But you must not blame your loveliness for the shame he forced upon you. Your beauty is your gift from the gods; it will be your gift to your new master." 

He pushed my hair away from my face several times, as a mother might soothe a child.  I found myself leaning into his hand. 

"The first step in learning the art," he said, "is to be confident in yourself. You must know that you are beautiful. You must feel it here," he rested his hand lightly on my temple, "and here." He flattened a warm palm against my chest over my heart.

His fingers gathered together and began swirling delicately across my skin. The touch was assured and strategic. He stroked my chest, along my collar bone, up the side of my neck. "Such grace in the arch, that of an impala." He traced along my jaw, across my cheekbones, over my brows and down along the bridge of my nose. "Perfection," he said, "in line and shape, the color, the texture, like fine porcelain. Your hair," he slid his hand under it, fanned his fingers and let it slide through them. "Like the softest flax. And those eyes, so huge and luminous, a starry Babylonian night. I've never seen their like! I swear, Gazelle Eyes, your beauty would move an ox to poetry!  And here, such sensuous lips." He ran a thumb along my top lip and then the bottom. "A slight pout that curves upward and then down and back up at the corners. Perfect for laughing and," his voice dropped to a whisper, "for kissing."

Myself, I thought I had seen no lovelier lips than his, soft and plump, like a ripe fig, stained red as with pomegranate juice.

"May I kiss you?" he asked.

I had never been asked before. Always it had been forced on me, angrily, as if the taker despised his own lust. I must have nodded because in the next moment he had bent his head and touched his lips to mine, delicately, like a whisper of silk, like a promise of paradise.

There he rested, barely moving, until our lips began trembling together in anticipation. Slowly, as if opening a door to a room filled with treasure, his lips parted, gently forcing mine to follow his. As my mouth opened to him, so too did my will. I felt myself relaxing into his embrace. His tongue dipped within, brushed against my tongue, teasingly, in a soft back and forth caress. A pleasant honeyed sensation began tingling through me. Then his mouth possessed mine. Our tongues tumbled together, our lips grasped and held, and melded into one flesh. 

He tasted of sweet cloves. To this day whenever I smell that spice, I think of him and the moment when I discovered that a kiss can bring pleasure rather than disgust.  It was a revelation and a release; the first glimpse of the garden of delight.

I sighed and he laughed against my mouth. "Ah yes, my lovely. You will learn to enjoy it. That I can promise you."


A story by elfscribe
Fandom: MaryRenault
Rating: a soft NC17
Pairing: Bagoas/Oromedon
Warning:non-consensual sex


nimfaeriel at 2004-11-25 13:12 (UTC) (Link)
*bounce bounce* new story, new story!!! mmm my, this is... *blush* lovely, i'm dying to read more.
i didn't know the persian boy but i'll go check if i can find it here!

... *squee* write more soon *hugs*
take care
elfscribe5 at 2004-11-25 20:07 (UTC) (Link)
Hi there gally. Glad you liked it. The Persian Boy is currently out of print, I believe. I had to find my copies in the used book store. But you can probably order it on the net from Amazon or a used book dealer. Well worth it, the ultimate slash story. So beautifully written. Btw, the image which I put at the beginning of this post is one used on the cover of some editions of the Persian Boy. I think it's gorgeous and quite my idea of how Bagoas looked. It was done by Michelangelo (and actually it was a portrait of some contemporary.)
Maggie Honeybite
maggiehoneybite at 2004-11-25 13:24 (UTC) (Link)
Yay! A Persian Boy fic! I'm liking this one very much, Elfscribe, and I look forward to more. :) Will you be posting it on maryrenaultfics? I think the people there would really enjoy it.
elfscribe5 at 2004-11-25 20:11 (UTC) (Link)
Hi Maggie,
Well coming from you, that is quite a compliment. I do plan to post it on Maryrenaultfics (although I'm feeling shy about it). I think I'll wait a day or so until I've stopped playing with the wording. (Just made a slight change - LOL.)Thanks for the encouragement!
Pink Lady
seekie at 2004-11-25 18:48 (UTC) (Link)
*bows head in awe* Beautiful.... There he rested, barely moving, until our lips began trembling together in anticipation. Slowly, as if opening a door to a room filled with treasure, his lips parted, gently forcing mine to follow his. As my mouth opened to him, so too did my will

So dreamlike, so erotic...*sighs happily* Thank you!
elfscribe5 at 2004-11-25 20:17 (UTC) (Link)
Hey there Seekie dear,
Thanks so much. Glad it was dreamlike and erotic.
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Hey there Seekie dear,
Thanks so much. Glad it was dreamlike and erotic. <yes!> Guess I'll try and write more of it. (You know doing this sort of thing makes my own dreams - uh - quite interesting.)
charmion at 2004-11-26 00:16 (UTC) (Link)
I like a lot! :) Sensual and beautiful. It'd be great to read them should you want to do more.

I've only just discovered the existence of Mary Renault and the Persian Boy blew me away!
elfscribe5 at 2004-11-26 05:02 (UTC) (Link)
Thanks Charmion! I guess there's enough interest to do some more. Agreed about the Persian Boy. My favorite MR fic.
kidinair at 2004-11-26 01:35 (UTC) (Link)
Wow, that was beautiful and very much in feeling with The Persian Boy. I've recently gotten into Renault, and she is just so addictive. I want to pick up another of her novels right after I finish one. :) I love Bagoas's character. I've yet to actually see the movie Alexander, but I am mighty pleased with the casting of Bagoas! *lol*

By the way, if I may ask, what picture is that on your icon? It's lovely!
elfscribe5 at 2004-11-26 04:49 (UTC) (Link)
Hello kidinair, nice to meet you.
Thanks for saying this was in feeling with the Persian Boy. What a nice compliment. That is what I was aiming for (without completely trying to copy Mary Renault's style). I've been a Mary Renault fan for a while (before I even knew what slash was - lol)and have been rediscovering her in the past year. Agreed, the pics I've seen of Francisco Bosch in his Bagoas costume look totally luscious. I'll see if the movie is any good tomorrow.
Oh thanks about my icon pic. It was done by the Theban Band and is on their home page. Here's the link: http://www.squidge.org/~praxisters/index.html Well worth checking out as the whole image is quite yummy. :-D I notice from your LJ that you are an artist, so you should definitely go look at their site - slashy photomanips in various fan genres. AAAAbsolutely wonderful, IMHO. Thanks for dropping by.
dalogas at 2004-11-27 06:36 (UTC) (Link)

A Whole New World for Elfscribe!

Wow. I love it. More please!

Favorite passage:

"May I kiss you?" he asked.

I had never been asked before. Always it had been forced on me, angrily, as if the taker despised his own lust. I must have nodded because in the next moment he had bent his head and touched his lips to mine, delicately, like a whisper of silk, like a promise of paradise.

I liked so much about this new world, and you bring your own lovely vision to it. I also love the fact that you're finally writing about some humans!

I can tell you're really excited about this new mini-series. Best of luck, and may your muses continue to sing.

Hiro hîdh,
elfscribe5 at 2004-11-27 06:55 (UTC) (Link)

Re: A Whole New World for Elfscribe!

Thanks so much Dalo. Your good words mean a lot to me. Yeah, humans, ain't that a trip? And I appreciate the wish for happy, warbling muses. At the rate that I keep fooling around with the wording on this thang, I'm gonna need it.
iroha_col at 2004-11-27 06:39 (UTC) (Link)
I've ordered the book Persian Boy right after I read this piece! I'm looking forward to reading the book, and also yours!
elfscribe5 at 2004-11-27 06:52 (UTC) (Link)
Thanks dear Iroha. Maybe I should get a commission for more Persian Boy sales. LOL. Too bad Mary Renault isn't around any more to reap the benefit. I'm sure you'll enjoy it. She is such a good writer.
laesmeralda at 2004-11-29 13:57 (UTC) (Link)
I must have nodded because in the next moment he had bent his head and touched his lips to mine, delicately, like a whisper of silk, like a promise of paradise.

Beautiful. This whole first chapter is delicately written, the mood reflecting Oromedon's approach, yet it hints at far more. I remember being taken with that character and wanting to hear more of him. I'm so glad you've decided to explore that relationship.

Difficult to make a kiss new, but you've done it. I'm looking forward to the next installment.
elfscribe5 at 2004-11-30 02:35 (UTC) (Link)
Thanks Esmeralda dear. Glad you enjoyed. Hope the next part meets expectations.
laesmeralda at 2004-12-02 03:40 (UTC) (Link)
I have read this again. So moving, so gentle. I'm actually not sure, at the moment, which of them is hotter.
elfscribe5 at 2004-12-03 05:41 (UTC) (Link)
Hello Esme dear,
Glad you enjoyed a second reading and that you found the boys engaging. *g*
Milady Hawke
miladyhawke at 2005-01-22 21:22 (UTC) (Link)
Elfscribe, this is wonderful, so delicately lovely and sensual, and the prose is very elegant and polished - it reads flawlessly and does sound very Renault-ish. I can't believe I haven't read this until now *is giddy with delight* I will have to read all the rest of the chapters this weekend *g*
elfscribe5 at 2005-01-22 22:53 (UTC) (Link)
Hey there Milady,
Thank you for the lovely praise, my dear. Better late than never, I say.*g* If you are a PB fan, I think you'll like this series. People seem to have enjoyed it on maryrenaultfics too. I've got it on my memories, which will make the other chapters easier to find. Hope you enjoy the rest as well. (I'm working on chapter 5 right now, anticipate maybe 9 chapters all together(?)

(Deleted comment)
elfscribe5 at 2005-04-04 06:52 (UTC) (Link)
Hiya Haleth,
Oh, I'm so pleased you're reading this! Quite happy to give you girlypart squiggles, my dear. Yes, much as I love MR, we do so love those juicy details that she couldn't/wouldn't put in. I'm pleased you feel it's true to MR's style. That's what I was aiming for.
Master Erestor
erestor at 2005-05-17 09:20 (UTC) (Link)
so, finally I get around to start reading your fic! darn it, I wish the day had more hours. I always liked your tales, and this one is no exception, though it's "foreign ground" for me. I hope to catch up with the other chapters soon. :)
elfscribe5 at 2005-05-18 04:54 (UTC) (Link)
Hello Erestor,
Thanks for giving this "foreign" fic a try. *g* I've always been fond of historical fiction and its been fun to dabble in this arena as a change from LOTR. I'm so glad you've liked my other stories - maybe at some point I'll come back to Middle Earth. We'll see. Anyway, hope you enjoy the rest of this one. It is close to being finished, maybe 2 more chapters.
dark_malignity at 2005-06-24 05:50 (UTC) (Link)
hallo! dark here, as promised. i'm finally taking your advice and getting The Persian Boy. i thought i'd wait awhile, but then i read your fic and i'm off to collect it THIS AFTERNOON! *squee* i'm going to travel to the library in a different district though, cos we dont have it at the lib here. oh well, i HOPE nobody gets to it first! lol!

elfscribe5 at 2005-06-24 06:12 (UTC) (Link)
Ooh yes, another convert. [Elfscribe rubs hands delightedly] Although you'll find my fic rather more "detailed" than Mary Renault ever gets. Good slashers got to fill in the fade-to-blacks. Hope you enjoy The Persian Boy and the rest of my addition to Mary Renault's story.
Stalker Extraordinaire
petarpan at 2006-05-04 19:44 (UTC) (Link)
Do you by chance have fics that pair Jared or Hephaestion ?
elfscribe5 at 2006-05-05 03:39 (UTC) (Link)
Hiya petarpan,
I remember that you sent me many nice comments about Oromedon's Lessons on maryrenaultfics. Thank ye. No, I'm afraid I've never written Jared or Hephaestion. Maybe someday.
amenirdis at 2015-08-07 17:35 (UTC) (Link)
So very late to the party, but this is gorgeous. Just beautifully done, and the language is perfect.
elfscribe5 at 2015-08-07 18:05 (UTC) (Link)
Omg, thank you! I'm thrilled you like it. If you want to read it in a better format than this, it's on AO3. Here's the link:
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